The Akatsuki Go SpongeBob
by BunnyDr3ams
Summary: The Akatsuki are bored out of their minds, until a certain microscopic creature calls. Plankton wants to join the group, but everyone makes fun of his name. Sasori has a grudge with Patrick, and Hidan's going on a pilgrimage. I do not own Spongebob.
1. A Phone Call

Chapter One: A Call From The Chum Bucket

Cyndi: Just working on my humor.

Sasori: Will I be in it?

Cyndi: Definitely. Plus, all the Akatsuki will be.

Sasori: Smashing, now let's go. Disclaimer: **Cyndi does not own Naruto.**

Cyndi: You got it Blossom.

Sasori: What? The PowerPuff Girls?

Cyndi: Yes. You're Blossom, Deidara is Bubbles, and Itachi is Buttercup.

* * *

Pein was having one of his usual days. All of the Akatsuki were done with their missions, and they were all either watching T.V. or playing pervert-based video games. Pein sighed as he saw Deidara blow up one of Zetsu's plants. Seconds later, Zetsu was chasing Deidara holding a knife and a fork.

_"Why can't we just do something normal?"_ thought the stressed Akatsuki leader. His thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

"Who the hell is it this time?" asked Pein, folding his arms. Deidara came in crying, holding strands of his hair.

"Zetsu ate my hair, un..." sobbed the blonde, pointing at a pitiful stub of hair that replaced the handsome ponytail.

"So what? You looked like a girl anyways. Hey, look on the bright side, now people won't mistake you for a girl." stated the Akatsuki leader. "Plus, you're hair grows back really fast, so just go away."

Another knock came from the door. Sasori came in, looking really frustrated. Deidara smiled.

"Sasori no Danna, did you find my hair?" asked Deidara.

"What is it Sasori?" asked Pein, becoming enraged. "What happened?"

"Look what I found in Hiruko." stated Sasori, dumping out strands of blonde hair. "Is it hay or something?"

"My hair, un!" screamed Deidara as he picked it up. "I'm going to go find some super glue, un." He ran out the door, and ran into Tobi.

"What gives, un?" yelled Deidara. "Where's the super glue?"

"I used all of it. Tobi's a good boy, he made a get well card." stated Tobi. "Tobi made sure it sticks extra tight, so he used up all the super glue!" He held up the gooey mess and showed it to Deidara.

"Tobi you baka!" yelled Deidara as he tried to suffocate Tobi again. He stopped and smirked at Tobi attempting to remove the card from his hand in vain.

Another knock on the door. This time it was Hidan. In the process of knocking the door, he also sacrificed it to Jashin. The door was no more.

"How can I do my fucking rituals if you people keep talking shit?! Deidara, nobody cares about your transvestite-related problems!" yelled Hidan. Pein was getting angrier by the minute, but he had to prove that he could get everything under control.

"Now, I'm sure we'll get enough money to buy you a sound-proof room." sigh Pein, checking his back account. "Just go away..."

Too bad. Itachi and Kisame stormed into the room.

"Where's the door?" asked Kisame.

Pein was about to answer, when-

Konan came in, dragging Kakuzu in the process. Kakuzu was covered in paper cuts. Everyone stared at the scene.

"This perverted freak wanted to sell my under garments!" she screeched, blushing furiously. She threw

Pein rubbed his forehead, struggling to restrain himself from killing Kakuzu. "What is the meaning of this?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"Well, I got a phone call from a 'Sir Patrick' that wanted to purchase...you know, fine undergarments?" answered Kakuzu, unabashed.

"WHAT?! Are you telling me someone knows our phone number?" inquired the Leader. He paced back and forth, trying to figure out who had been drunk enough to give away their phone number. Pein stressed the fact that they were only supposed to use the phone to prank call Itachi's little brother.

Everyone listened closely as the phone began to ring again. Tobi couldn't help but saying, "Tobi's a good boy, he'll answer the phone!" At that moment, everyone shouted out different responses. (A/N You'll have to guess it..)

"No, I'm the leader, and I get to answer it!"

"No, I really want to answer it. It might be Chiyo baa-sama."

"Sasori, it's not your worthless grandma, it's my insurance company!! My money company!"

"No, un! It might be my art manager,un!"

"I get to answer it! Sheesh, is that how you anti-social guys treat a woman?"

"Fucking morons! I'm answering the fucking phone! So you can just shove the phone up your ass and eat it! And it might be that guy who wanted me for a shampoo commercial..."

Zetsu sighed and picked up the phone as everyone wrestled each other. "Hello?" He put it on speaker so everyone could hear.

"Salutations, my fellow villains!" answered the mysterious voice from the other line. Everyone became silent and listened to the anonymous voice. "I am seeking to join your evil organization in hopes of attaining power..." Everyone looked at Itachi, because it sure did sound like Sasuke."They call me Sheldon..."

Before the voice could finish, everyone was cracking up with laughter. Even the usually stern Pein had to cover his mouth in a sad attempt to stop laughing.

Deidara laughed. "Sheldon? Where's your mommy?" Everyone was laughing uncontrollably.

Konan added to the joke, "Does she know your not doing your math homework?"

Hidan smirked. "What a fucking idiot. Does your mother give your sisters and brothers names of fucking cows?"

"Ok," said Pein as he regained control, "What do you want?"

"Why," said the voice, "I want to join your A-kat-so-o-oki. My home isn't far from here, if you want try outs. My name is, as I was saying, Sheldon-" Everyone burst into a fit of laughter. Pein interrupted, "What is it?"

"Sheldon P. Plankton!" responded the voice. "I'll see you at the Chum Bucket, located in Bikini Bottom, ok?"

"Bikini Bottom?" shouted Pein. "This is no joke, right? Where is it located?"

"No joke, sir." answered Plankton. "Go to the bottom of the ocean, and once you see a pineapple, take a left on the next red light. Ta Ta!" Plankton hung up.

Pein looked back at his fellow members. "Well, what do you think? And how are we going to get there?"

"I think," said Hidan, "That Bikini Bottom is a great place to spread my religion to the fucking heathens."

"I," said Kisame as he brandished his sword, "Know how to get there. I used to lived next to a pineapple under the sea when I was little. I'll take you there, and it'll be nice to see some of my old relatives again. How surprised will they be to see how much I've grown?"

"I don't care," began Deidara, "As long as I get to blow stuff up!"

"If we go there," said Zetsu, "I won't have to worry about forgetting to water myself!"

"I can't go." said Konan sadly, "I might dissolve in water."

"I don't want to go." said Sasori. "It's boring.." Deidara was stunned, "Why danna?"

"Tobi hopes Sheldon is a good boy!" interrupted Tobi.

"SHUT UP TOBI!!" said everyone at once.

"Then it's decided." said Pein. "Everyone but Konan will go. Konan, please look after the hideout while we're gone, if you may. You," he turned to Hidan, "It's up to you to persuade Sasori to come. I'm going to pack up my suitcase." He left, followed by the rest of the members.

"I'm not going!" yelled Sasori.

"I fucking will, dammit!" answered Hidan. "Now, go pack up maggots!" He held his scythe close to him, creating a fresh cut of blood on his chest. "That feels good.. Well Sasori, how can I change your mind?"

"You can't. I'm not going."

The phone rang again. This time, Sasori was the first to pick it up. "Hello?" He too, put it on speaker.

"Hello?" answered a goofy voice. "Is this Mario's pizza place?"

"Umm..." answered Sasori. "No. This is Sasori Akasuna, your danna, fool."

"Oh," replied the voice. "Can I get a large pepperoni with extra cheese?"

"Dammit," answered Sasori. "I'm not selling pizza!"

Meanwhile In Bikini Bottom

The voice talked to someone in the background. "Sorry Patrick, they're out of the large size."

"Then let me talk to him!" responded Patrick, stealing the phone from Spongebob.

He yelled into the phone, saying, "Fine you Sasori danna donut guy, at least give me a chocolate donut! I mean, how can you run out of those?"

Back to the Hideout

"Where do you live?" asked Sasori, "I want to kill you!"

"Oh? Come and take me on, tough guy." answered Patrick. "I live under a rock in Bikini Bottom!"

"You talk tough for a guy that lives under a rock!" yelled Sasori. "And I'll be in Bikini Bottom before you know it!" With those words, he slammed the phone back on the receiver.

"I thought you weren't going?" asked Hidan.

"O I'm going..." replied Sasori. "I'm going to beat the crap out of Mario's pizza place!"

* * *

Cyndi: First chapter before Ash Wednesday. Hope you liked it. 


	2. Arrival

Chapter Two: Arrival

Disclaimer: I do own Naruto

Cyndi: I'm going to get straight to the story. Enjoy.

* * *

After many hours of staying on a ship, the Akatsuki finally arrived onto an island. The island consisted of a palm tree and some sand, nothing special. 

"Ughh.." barfed Deidara. "I'm sic-" His words were interrupted by Zetsu's transmission.

"I've been given the signal by Kisame. He say that our destination is directly below this island." stated Zetsu.

"What do you see? A city?" asked Tobi. "Tobi needs to know!"

"I see.." started Zetsu. "A pineapple?" He blinked, looking down into the crystal clear water down below.

Tobi burst into a fit of giggles. "Tobi absolutely loves pineapples! In fact," He started to take a bowl of pineapples out, "I'm going to eat some now!"

Deidara threw the pineapple into the ocean. "Tobi you idiot, you're supposed to open it before you ea..." Before he could finish the sentence, his face turned green and he started to throw up again. "Ugh... Seasickness...I want to blow it up, yeah."

"Damn! I hate the water!" yelled Hidan. "I'll kill you, water! You hear me!" He angrily slashed the water with his scythe.

"Shut up Hidan." said Kakuzu. "We'll be going in the water in these." He held up a thin strip of cotton. "I can't risk getting new outfits if the originals are ruined."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" argued Hidan, ripping up the sheer cotton fabric. "Jashin it so against cotton! Make it silk or I'll kill you."

"I can't afford silk. Unless..." He turned on his gold laptop while Hidan muttered something that sounded like, "No money..Damn gold laptop.. No sense."

"What're you doing, hm?" asked Deidara, looking into the screen. "I might need to check my Myspace account."

"I'm selling your hair to fangirls." said Kakuzu. "The price will start at seven thousand dollars." Pein turned his attention to Kisame and played the Jaws theme song while he swam. Itachi was inventing some sort of pill to be taken so they would be able to breathe underwater. Sasori was also staring at the screen, amazed that someone actually wanted to bid on Deidara's worthless hair.

"What?!?" argued Deidara. "Are you crazy?"

"You didn't let me finish. Then," reasoned Kakuzu. "We'll have enough money to get hair extensions to replace your normal hair." Deidara's facial expression softened and for a while, he was nodding his head, agreeing with Kakuzu.

Tobi was surprised. "Look! Sempai's hair is sold for four million dollars!"

"Sweet." said Deidara, drifting off into a state of happiness. "Who bought it?"

"Her screen name is SuperAwesomeRichFangirlOfDeidaraNo1." stated Kakuzu. "You do have fans, Deidara. But now I have money, so we'll have to cut your hair once a year to make a profit annually."

Someone stepped out from behind the shadows. "I finished the pills. We can eat them now." said Itachi's voice, growing louder as seconds passed. Itachi held out a turquoise blue pill, slowly waiting for someone to appreciate its beauty.

"Great!" said Pein. "But you can stop the dramatic effect." He took the pills and handed it out to everyone except Kisame, who already had gills.

Everyone ate the pills and jumped into the water. "Whee!! Tobi can see mermaids!" said Tobi, swimming towards the pineapple.

"No Tobi, it's a sponge." said Zetsu, doing an astounding backstroke.

Deidara looked around. "Where's Sasori no Danna?"

"Damn puppet is floating." said Hidan, laughing so hard that it sounded like he was gurgling under water. "He's wood, the damn bastard."

"Should someone go help him?" asked Pein, although he sounded like he was threatening someone. When no one answered he just randomly shouted out a name. "Kidanzu."

"What?" asked Hidan, Kakuzu and Kisame altogether. "What did you say?"

"Go help Sasori, Kisame." declared Pein, settling down on the sandy sea floor. "Ah, We have arrived.Now listen to me, everyone." He paced back and forth in front of the large pineapple. "We cannot be discovered to be an international gang of S-ranked criminals. So," continued Pein, "We need code names. Deidara will be Danny. Hidan will be Howie. Itachi will be Issac. Kakuzu will be Kevin, Kisame will be Kisame. Sasori will be Sammy. I, Pein, will be Peter."

"Wait-" started Deidara. "How come Kisame is still Kisame, hmm? And how about Zetsu?"

"Because he's Kisame!" shouted Pein. "Just be glad I didn't give you a girl name this time!" He also added under his breath. "Plus, I couldn't think of another name that started with 'K'. Zetsu is doing some undercover work right now." Pein glanced at a nearby tree. "He'll be busy for awhile."

When Sasori finally had an anchor in his stomach, (so that he wouldn't float up to the surface again) the huge bucket in front of them opened up.

"We'll split up." said Pein. "Sasori, Kisame, Hidan, and Itachi, investigate the weird fruit. It seems to have someone living in it. Deidara, Kakuzu and I will be interviewing Sheldon." Another burst of laughter from Tobi. "Tobi! You can get lost!"

"So, where's the Akatsuki candidate?" asked Kakuzu, looking at the door. Tobi was still staring at the nearby restaurant, the Krusty Krab. "Tobi's hungry!" And so, Tobi decided to go over to the Krusty Krab.

"I'm over here!" shouted a voice. Kakuzu looked down. "I'm here! Plankton!"

"Umm.." said Pein. "You're kind of, short.." Akatsuki leader he was, and he had seen many potential from different candidates, but he had never seen anything as small as _that_.

"Short?! He's downright small, yeah!" laughed Deidara.

"You're one to talk, girly girl." retorted Plankton. Deidara turned into a deep shade of red.

"Just so you know, I'm Dei.." Pein shot a wary glare at Deidara. "I'm Danny!"

"Stupid." said Plankton.

"Ok, never mind." said Pein. "I'm Peter, and I will be interviewing you. Shall we start?"

"Sure!" responded the small creature.

Meanwhile

"Hello?!" yelled Hidan, knocking on the pineapple. "Sasori, you knock on the fucking Easter Island statue! Itachi, check out the damn rock. It has a cool antennae on it."

A blue squid came out of the statue. "Spongebob, I told you not to make such a racke-" He stopped and stared at the men in black cloaks. "Spongebob?" He asked in a feeble voice.

"Uh, hi?" said Sasori, starring at the strange squid. "I'm Sammy?" He said in a forced tone of voice.

"I'm Howie!" said Hidan, sacrificing the pineapple door. "Dammit."

"I'm Squidward." said the squid, trying to create some sort of impression. "I guess you just moved here?"

"Yeah." said Sasori. " Are you related to Kisame? You two have blue on you skin."

"No, Sammy." said Squidward. "Kisame moved away a long time ago. I still remembered his little sister." He wiped a tear from his eye. "She looked like a real shark, everyone was so proud of her."

"Oh...Kay." said Kakuzu. "Weird."

"I'd rather be working on my art right now." said Sasori, bored. "This is a waste of time." Squidward lightened up.

"Did you say art?" asked Squiward. "Come one, I'll show you some of mine!" He dragged Sasori into his house.

A yellow sponge came out of the pineapple. Hidan would have tried to be polite, but-

"What the fucking hell took you so fucking long, you bastard?!" He grabbed the yellow sponge by the tie. "And you dress like a homo, do you not know? Damn, I thought we would be friends, but you had to keep me knocking!"

"Friends?!" said the sponge. "I have a best friend, his name is Patrick! My name is Spongebob, nice to meet you, and your sharp scythe!"

"Dammit. I wonder how Kakuzu is doing." said Hidan, going into the weird pineapple, along with Spongebob.

Meanwhile, Kakuzu was looking at the rock.

"This is such a worthless house." said Kakuzu. He could hear a television sound from within. "But still, who would buy a rock?"

* * *

Cyndi: Will Kakuzu sell Patrick's house? How will Sasori respond to Squidward's art? How will the interview go? Stay tuned...


	3. Sasori's Hidden Rage

Chapter Three: Sasori's Hidden Rage

Cyndi: The title tells all. Disclaimer!

Hidan: Cyndi does not own Naruto. Nor does she own Spongebob.

* * *

In Squidward's House

Squidward pushed Sasori into his sofa. He quickly gathered up all of his greatest paintings to show Sasori. Sasori, meanwhile, was clicking on the T.V. remote, looking for an interesting television show. Sadly, all he could find were documentaries on undersea creatures, such as sponges, squids, cheap crabs, starfish, and... squirrels with astronaut suits? He stared at the screen, not knowing if this was real or not. Sasori leaned in for a closer look, but Squidward pushed a piece of paper in his face.

"What do you think?" asked Squidward proudly, pointing to the painting. "It's my greatest piece of art. I call it.. The Mona Squidsa!" The painting showed something that resembled the Mona Lisa, except her skin was blue and her eyes were a shade of puke-ish yellow.

Sasori was shocked. He didn't know if this Squidward was making fun of art or if he was just horrible at it. He let out a nervous laugh. "Look, umm.. I kind of have to go now... So.."

Squidward apparently took it to mean that Sasori wanted to see more of his fabulous art. "Sure you can go see the rest of my art! Now, Sammy is it? Let's go, you'll probably make a better friend than that barnacle-head Spongebob!" He dragged Sasori into his gallery. Sasori whimpered, he was definitely **not** going to enjoy this.

_"This is why I refused to come in the first place."_ thought Sasori. _"First I float on the water, and now... I have to put up with his terrible art? It shouldn't even be called art. It makes a fool of everything art means!"_

Slowly, Sasori opened his eyes. He was looking at some sort of demented sculpture. He smiled a forced smile that looked something like a cross between a happy person and an angry person. He clenched his fists and tried not to destroy the house.

"I know, I know," exclaimed Squidward happily, "You're so amazed that you're speechless."

He couldn't take it anymore. "YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK? HERE'S WHAT I THINK!!" Sasori started for the terrible displays of art.

He smashed a painting in half. "This..." He stuffed it into a garbage can. "...is one..." He burned the room. "...kind of art... " He pointed at Squidward. "...that should not be eternal!"

Meanwhile

Deidara smirked, "I knew he would agree with me someday, un." He took off his straw hat and listened to Sasori's angry screams that could be heard all over the place. One thing was sure. Deidara knew that when Sasori lost his cool, it would be gone for a while...

"Pay attention!" yelled Pein as he scribbled on his clipboard. "Ok, what do you think you would attribute to the Akatsuki?"

Plankton bowed. "Sir, I have many skills to offer that would aid us in achieving total world domination-"

"Get to the point, un." said Deidara, running his fingers through his hair. He checked his Myspace account and approved over 56,000 friend requests.

"As I was saying," said Plankton as he glared at Deidara. "I can build robots and stuff." Pein looked at him and stopped writing on his clipboard. Plankton continued, "I also have my computer wife, Karen."

"You married a computer?" asked Deidara. He flicked his finger, causing Plankton to soar across the Chum Bucket's kitchen. "I wouldn't be that desperate... And I have my ladies..." He winked at his laptop's webcam, and the Earth shook with fangirl screams.

"You can join." stated Pein. Deidara gave Pein a weird, desperate look. Plankton jumped up and sat on one on Pein's fingers. "Although, it may be hard to find an outfit small enough to fit you..."

"You let him join? Aww.." said Deidara, pleading. "...I know your jealous of all my fangirls, but this is..."

"I'm not jealous, you dimwit." Pein started walking towards the Krusty Krab. "I'm hungry, so let's go eat before you start whining again. Plus, we need the status reports of Sasori, Itachi, and Kakuzu."

"Fine." said Deidara, glaring at Plankton, who was now sticking his tongue out at Deidara.

Krusty Krab, Here We Come!

Tobi whizzed around the tables, giving customers their orders. Mr. Krab's chuckled as watched his new source of income run around. _"Where ever this Tobi guy came from, he sure is making me some money!" _

Sasori swung the door open. "WHERE THE HELL IS THE LEADER!?"

Hidan smirked. "I've been here for a fucking hour, waiting for you homos. The ever-so-ready Sasori isn't fucking copying my swearing, right? Plus, I'm bonding with my new friend..." He pointed to a yellow sponge, who was shivering with happiness behind Hidan.

"Can I go home-" said the yellow sponge, barely audible.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" yelled Hidan. The sponge smiled. "See?" Hidan turned towards Sasori. "No matter what I do, he keeps fucking smiling!"

Deidara came in, almost tripping over Tobi. "What the hell, un? Tobi..." Tobi looked up.

"Deidara-sempai!" yelled Tobi, hugging Deidara. Deidara turned purple.

"Get..." Deidara flung Tobi across the room. "..Off of me!"

Pein coughed. "Now that we're here, let's give a status report."

"I have discovered a new species of... shit." said Hidan, pointing at Spongebob.

Itachi talked. "I have a new species also..." He stepped on Patrick. "There you are... Oops."

"We really need to get you glasses, Itachi." said Pein, rubbing his temple.

"No." said Itachi plainly, flipping his hair dramatically.

"I have... an art failure!" yelled Sasori, throwing Squidward onto the counter.

"Ok..." said Pein, now doodling on a notebook. "Kakuzu?"

Kakuzu looked up. "I have... money!"

"Loser, un." scoffed Deidara. "Who needs money when you have fangirls?"

Mr. Krabs cut in. "I agree with money boy!"

"You're all stupid." said Hidan. "God is most important, fucking bastards." He looked at Mr. Krabs. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm the owner of this fine establishment." said Mr. Krabs, rubbing his wallet.

"You're pretty cheap." said Hidan sarcastically.

All of a sudden, a huge whale ran into the building, crying enough water to fill a pool.

"Daddy!" yelled the whale as the building shook.

"What is it, Pearl?" asked Mr. Krabs.

"The prom!" said Pearl. "My date stood me up, and now..." Her words were cut off by Hidan's muttering. She hiccuped and started wailing.

"Don't worry!" assured Mr. Krabs. "Now everyone line up! Someone is taking my daughter Pearl to the prom!"

"Shit..." said Hidan as the Akatsuki formed a line. Pein hid with Tobi in the kitchen. He didn't want Konan to kill him for going to the prom with a whale.

"Who should I pick?" asked Pearl. "They're so cute!"

Hidan whimpered as Pearl stopped in front of him. He didn't like dates, except for the ones that would later end up as a sacrifice for Jashin.

"I pick..." said Pearl. She pointed at Hidan. "I want him to come with me!"

"Dammit, shit, crap." said Hidan. "No way am I going to go on a fucking date with this!"

Mr. Krabs glared at him. "You go, or I'll kill you!"

Hidan straightened his stance. "Umm... Sure, I'll go." He coughed in his sleeve. "Bastard."

* * *

Cyndi: Poor Hidan. It seems like he's at a dead end. 


	4. Date Gone Wrong

Chapter Four: Hidan's Date

Cyndi: Hidan, you're really brave.

Hidan: Oh my Jaashin! The fat ugly bitch! Why did you have to update?

Cyndi: Didn't want to upset the people, since I didn't update for a_ month and a half_. People probably think I'm dead.

Pearl: Waaaaaaaaah!

HIdan: Make the fucking noise stop!

Pearl: Waaaaaaaaaah!

Hidan: STOP!

Cyndi: **I do not own Naruto, or Spongebob**. Not that I want to. Ok, I want to, but I don't. Oh, thank you to GaaraLover118592 for the encouragement! Thank you everyone, for all the nice reviews... Sometimes I start to cry as I read them..

* * *

The Big Night

In their safe house (generously donated by Sh-)

"Sheldon!" laughed Deidara. The rest of the Akatsuki laughed alongside him. Plankton jumped off of his tiny chair, apparently offended.

"Stop! So what if that's my name?" asked Plankton, pointing at Deidara's finger.

"Well, it's just that Sheldon is a _big_name," said Deidara, "You can't possibly be_ big _enough to fit in it, un." Deidara used his index finger to flick Plankton across the room, onto a bottle of ketchup.

"Big!" laughed Tobi. "Tobi is a big kid, bigger than Sheldon!"

At that very moment, Sasori opened the door and emerged from the dressing room. "My masterpiece." Sasori was in charge of making Hidan's outfit for the prom. Deidara instisted on it, but Hidan, though immortal, didn't want his outfit (along with him) to explode in the middle of the prom. Kakuzu, although skilled with needles and thread, charged money. And so, Sasori was appointed as Hidan's designer.

Hidan walked in, scowling at everyone. "I'll kill you all for this." He was wearing the typical prom suit, and that included the top half.

"I'm just glad you're actually covered up..." added Kakuzu.

* * *

Kakuzu's Flashback (The first day Hidan joined the Akatsuki)

_"PUT YOUR DAMN CLOTHES ON!" screamed Kakuzu, enraged. He paced around the room, obviously disturbed (a lot). "How many times do I have to tell you? If we're going to be roommates, then you should at least put some clothes on!"_

_"Two words." said Hidan calmly, lying naked on his bed polishing his scythe. _

_"So you're going to go and put some decent clothes on?"_

_"Fuck you."_

* * *

"Hidan," said Deidara, "It was nice knowing you, un. A lot of people would go out with you, but you chose a whale, un." Hidan stuck up the middle finger at Deidara. "You really are something, Hidan..." continued Deidara, smirking.

"Screw you."

"Hidan, you really lack.." started Itachi. Even Itachi was at a loss for words at times like this. _I really wish Sasuke were here so I could make fun of him or poke his head or something..._thought Itachi, rubbing his head.

"Tobi sees Pearl!" Tobi pointed at the door and ran towards it. He opened the door and bowed ever so slightly to Pearl.

"What a gentleman!" exclaimed Pearl, ruffling Tobi's hair. "So, is Hidan ready?" Mr. Krabs came in, and Hidan started to sweat uncomfortably.

* * *

Hidan's Flashback

_"Don't worry!" assured Mr. Krabs. "Now everyone line up! Someone is taking my daughter Pearl to the prom!"_

_"Shit..." said Hidan as the Akatsuki formed a line. Pein hid with Tobi in the kitchen. He didn't want Konan to kill him for going to the prom with a whale._

_"Who should I pick?" asked Pearl. "They're so cute!"_

_Hidan whimpered as Pearl stopped in front of him. He didn't like dates, except for the ones that would later end up as a sacrifice for Jashin._

_"I pick..." said Pearl. She pointed at Hidan. "I want him to come with me!"_

_"Dammit, shit, crap." said Hidan. "No way am I going to go on a fucking date with this!"_

_Mr. Krabs glared at him. "You go, or I'll kill you!"_

_Hidan straightened his stance. "Umm... Sure, I'll go." He coughed in his sleeve. "Bastard."_

* * *

_"I want to cook him and eat him.." _thought Hidan, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. He stood up and grabbed Pearl's hand roughly. "Let's go already.."

"Now be nice to my Pearl, ok?" asserted Mr. Krabs in a somewhat threatening manner. "Of course, you _will_ take care of her, will you?"

Hidan shivered. _"How can I say no to that tone of voice." _

"Sure I will!" And Hidan in a fake optimistic tone that scared everyone. He smiled an extremely plastic smile (sort of like Sai's smile). Hidan's face was so unnaturally contorted for a happy smile that even Mr. Krabs got scared a little.

"Ok then..." said Mr. Krabs awkwardly. "Enjoy your prom, Pearl." He waved goodbye as Hidan tried to push Pearl into the limo. Hidan later ended up tying Pearl to the roof of the limo, since she couldn't fit in.

"There goes the bravest man that ever lived." sighed Deidara, waiting for Itachi to come out of the shower. When Itachi finally came out, Deidara climbed in the shower and shut the door. Itachi looked back.

_"I should tell him-" _thought Itachi. _"...Nah."_

"WHO USED UP ALL THE SHAMPOO?" yelled a very not-your-typical-Deidara voice.

"Itachi.." started Pein. "I thought you knew Deidara better than this! He hates it when there's no more shampoo left!"

"Well, too bad for him." whispered Itachi, going into his bedroom. "It's not my fault that I had to wash my hair today."

Deidara bursted out of the bathroom, a wet towel wrapped around him. His hands held an empty shampoo bottle, and in an instant, he crumpled it and threw it towards Itachi. Pein sighed, _"How could one man get so worked up about shampoo?"_

* * *

Prom Night

Hidan got out of the limo and untied Pearl from the top of it. He smirked as she struggled to get up from the ground.

"Need help?" he asked in a mocking tone.

"Yea-" started Pearl.

"Well, too bad, I've got plans," said Hidan, "and that includes getting more sacrifices..."

"Well, too bad for _you_," glared Pearl. Suddenly, it seemed to dawn on Hidan that she was 3 times bigger than him. "_You_ are going to be my prom date, and _you_ are going to treat me like one... GOT IT?"

"Damn you _bitch_..." started Hidan, but he quickly fixed it. ".. I mean, _beach_! I hate the beach, don't you?" He coughed into his sleeve and entered the building as Pearl followed, apparently ignoring his question.

Peering into the gym, he couldn't believe the number of fish in there. _"If I killed them all, I would have enough fish sticks to last a year!" _thought Hidan, smirking. Pearl nudged him toward the punch bowl, signaling him to get her a cup of punch.

"If you want some punch, get it yours-" started Hidan.

"You will get me some punch, will you?" Pearl asked in a threatening tone.

"Shi-" started Hidan, but he quickly corrected himself in time. "Shhure..." He stomped over to the table and brought her back some punch. "Here you go.."

"Omigosh, your date is so hot!" giggled a fish to Pearl.

"I know, lemme see him!" said another fish.

"Oh, is he from the surface like Sandy?" asked another fish.

"Screw you assho-" began Hidan. Again, Pearl glared at him and he corrected his sentence. "As a hole! Yes, this place is just as big as a hole!"

"As a hole?" asked a female clown fish. "You're right!"

Then, an announcer got up on the stage and spoke into the microphone. "The votes are in!"

"What votes?" asked Hidan. Pearl elbowed him in the ribs and motioned for him to sit down like everyone else.

The announcer continued. "We've gathered everyone's vote, and the prom king is... Hidan!"

Everyone cheered as Hidan stayed in his spot. Pearl pushed him out of his seat and told him to walk onto the stage. "Uhh..." stammered Hidan. "Are you people doing some sort of sacrifice? I'll kill you!"

Hidan walked onto the stage and looked at the announcer. "So?"

The announcer gave him some index cards. "Read this speech!"

_"Damn, what have I gotten myself into?"_thought Hidan as he nervously coughed into the microphone. "Ok, so.. Thank you for voting for me..."

He continued. "I... I.." He started to sweat and an index card fell onto the ground. "Shit.." He picked it up and looked at the audience.

Everyone gasped. Hidan looked around, knowing that he sweared to an audience of five hundred. He sighed and thought for a moment. _Ditch the mission_ or _look like a gentleman and get made fun of by Deidara later?_

He liked the first choice better. "Ok, you know what? Screw you all."

Everyone gasped and started to mumble. He could see Pearl giving him a disapproving look.

"I could fry you all for breakfast, you faggots!" The mumbling grew louder, and many fish started to leave. "Yeah, go ahead and leave you fucking morons!"

All the fish left and Pearl was the only one left, sobbing in her seat. "You ruined.. my... life!"

"Just screw yourself..." Hidan left without saying another word. ".. If you even can."

* * *

"How did it go?" asked Deidara, letting him in the door. Hidan entered their temporary home as Deidara chuckled and Sasori smirked. Hidan threw himself onto the living room couch.

"It went fine, I guess." said Hidan matter-of-factly. "In fact, I ditched the thing halfway through."

"You ditched a girl?" asked Deidara, amused. "Oh Hidan, you are _so_cruel, un."

Itachi entered with Spongebob and Patrick. "Go home."

"But you're our new best friend!" said Patrick, beaming. "Best friends forever, best friends forever, best friends forever, yeah!"

"Go home." Itachi said, pointing to the door. He turned to Hidan. "You had no idea what I had to go through when you weren't here."

"Fuck you Itachi, it's not your life." said Hidan. "I'm going to bed, see you later.. or not." Hidan walked away, slamming the door shut behind him.

Spongebob gave Tobi an eerie look. "We're all best friends, right Tobi?"

"Yes, Tobi knows!" said Tobi happily. "Perhaps if Itachi-san spent more time with you and Patrick, he can learn how fun you are to be around with!"

"Great idea!" squealed Spongebob. "Itachi-weasel, you're gonna be with us all day tomorrow!" Patrick approved and handed Itachi a jelly-fishing net. Itachi tooked it and glared at Patrick. _"Mangekyo Sharingan!" _thought Itachi, looking Patrick in the eye. Sadly, Mangekyo Sharingan couldn't work underwater.

"Goodnight everyone!" And Spongebob and Patrick walked away, talking about how fun Itachi was compared to Squidward.

"I hate this place." said Itachi.

* * *

Cyndi: I hate myself for not getting this chapter up sooner.

Itachi: I hate you for putting me in this situation.

Cyndi: I hate you for killing your own clan.

Itachi:...

Cyndi: I got him!


	5. Itachi's version of FUN

Akatsuki Goes SpongeBob

Chapter Five: Itachi's version of FUN

Cyndi: The long awaited chapter of AGSB...

Spongebob: You got it! Cyndi does not own Spongebob or Naruto.

Patrick: You know what? We're in the story.

Spongebob: Geez Patrick, how long did it take for you to notice that?

Patrick: Hey, we're in the story! Did you know that Spongebob?

Cyndi: This is endless. Let's move on to the story..

* * *

Previously...

_"Yes, Tobi knows!" said Tobi happily. "Perhaps if Itachi-san spent more time with you and Patrick, he can learn how fun you are to be around with!"_

_"Great idea!" squealed Spongebob. "Itachi-weasel, you're gonna be with us all day tomorrow!" Patrick approved and handed Itachi a jellyfishing net. Itachi tooked it and glared at Patrick. "Mangekyo Sharingan!" thought Itachi, looking Patrick in the eye. Sadly, Mangekyo Sharingan couldn't work underwater. _

_"Goodnight everyone!" And Spongebob and Patrick walked away, talking about how fun Itachi was compared to Squidward. _

_"I hate this place." said Itachi. _

Itachi woke up and sat up on top of his bed. There were beads of sweat on his forehead. He wasn't sure if last night was a nightmare... Or not. He looked over at Kisame, who was still sound asleep. It was still five in the morning.

"There's still time to escape," Itachi thought, panicking, "this idiocy can be easily avoided." Then he remembered how he couldn't go to the surface alone. He remembered his childhood fear of sharks. He looked at Kisame and cringed a little. He tried in desperation to comfort himself, pinching himself repeatedly on the arm.

Kisame opened his eyes a little and saw Itachi pinching himself. He smiled and got up. He opened the closet and found a video recorder.

"Itachi-san, today's the day!" He looked throught the lens of the recorder. "Smile for the camera, you optimistic ball of sunshine!"

Itachi grimaced. "Smiling's not really my thing." He wondered if he would survive through the day. "I don't have to do this, you know."

Kisame frowned. "Itachi-san, you don't have to. But if you don't, the whole Akatsuki will label you as a complete douche."

"I don't really care."

"You may even be more of a douche than Tobi."

"... How long do I have to endure this?" _Murder_was written all over Itachi's face.

"The whole day." Kisame backed up a little bit, unsure if Itachi was going to murder him before he stepped out of the house.

"Fine. Where does the yellow sponge live?"

"In a pineapple."

"Kisame, during times like these, I think the world doesn't make sense... At all."

"It doesn't have to." Kisame went into the bathroom, brushing his teeth thoroughly.

"Hmmph." Itachi, having already brushed his teeth, went outside and slammed the door shut.

Kisame chuckled. _"He's going to come back a whole new person... Or Spongebob and Patrick are going to come back with rearranged faces."_ He spit out water into the sink, admiring his shiny set of teeth. _"I should help them, but then I might ruin the fun. So... Where's my video recorder?"_

Meanwhile...

Itachi bit down hard on his crunchy _CoCo Puffs_. If he was to endure this day in a living hell, he would have to eat the happiest-sounding cereal brand in order not to fall into depression. The last time he did, Kakuzu had to spend a large portion of the Akatsuki's money in order to get anti-depressants. Kakuzu did not like spending money on Itachi.

_Flashback_

_"Itachi-san, I've noticed that you have recently been... Painting everything in your room black." Pein paced back and forth, rubbing on his forehead._

_"... So?"_

_"There have been complaints from your roommate... Kisame-san." Kisame entered the room, looking a bit worried, yet obviously angry._

_Kisame opened his mouth. "I have been enduring this for a long time, but ever since you last saw Sasuke, you've been a walking dust mop. It has to stop. I mean, seriously, you had to kill the only bright thing left in our room... My pet goldfish?!"_

_Pein tried to supress his nervousness. He knew Kisame took cared of that piece of crap more than he took cared of himself. "Itachi-san, is there a reason for this?" His eyes wandered to Itachi's sleeves. They were longer than usual._

_"Itachi-san, what the hell is this?!" He pulled the sleeves back, revealing a series of long, narrow cuts. "There better be a reason for this! I mean, Hidan actually has a reason!"_

_"Nothing, it's normal... Normal like the cloud of black in my mind." Itachi slumped back onto his chair, eyes glaring at Pein._

_Kisame widened his eyes. "Itachi, I think you have a problem..."_

_"I have no problem."_

_Pein and Kisame spoke to each other. _

_"He is definately in a state of depression." _

_"If this continues, he'll die!" _

_"Get some medication..." _

_"What if Kakuzu doesn't agree?"_

_"Remember the money we used to get him stitches?"_

_"Yeah... Ok, we'll bring that up when we talk to him."_

_"Good. He'll be cured in a few weeks. We can't have him acting like his little brother."_

_Back to the Present_

Itachi's shoulder twitched a little. He walked out of the room, and into the streets. Fortunately for Kisame, Itachi didn't notice that he was being followed. When he came across a strange looking pineapple, he gazed at it in disbelief. It was yellowish brown with thick leaves sprouting on the top of it. A metal door with a wheel-type doorknob was in front of him. He slowly reached...

"Hiya weasel!" The door burst open. In the process, the door also knocked Itachi right off his feet.

"What the-"

A big squishy ball of pink matter was sitting on top of Itachi's face. Round giddy eyes looked at Itachi. "How ya doing?"

"Get... Off.. Face.." Itachi tried in vain to push Patrick off. Minutes passed, and there was still no progress.

"Patrick, I think you're hurting him." Another voice appeared, this time a high one. A yellow sponge rushed to the scene, also trying to push Patrick off of Itachi.

"But he's so comfy!" Patrick protested, but gave up and stood in front of Itachi. "Sorry."

"..." Itachi's face was distorted, even Spongebob backed up a little bit.

"Aww... I can fix that." Patrick turned Itachi around, and sat on the _back_of his head. Pretty soon, Itachi's face began to even out.

"You..." Itachi stared at Patrick with hate. "I would surely kill you but I can't seem to. You are lucky that your mind is so small that even Mangekyo Sharingan or anything else doesn't work." Patrick looked confused, and Itachi narrowed his eyes. "In simple words, you're mentally unstable." Patrick cocked his head to one side. Itachi sighed. "You're an idiot."

"I am not an idiot!" argued Patrick. "I'm a starfish, and starfish are very intelligent."

Itachi suppressed laughter. It was the first time since many years that Itachi had laughed at something this stupid.

Back at the HideOut

"That sounded like a suppressed laugh.." commented Deidara. "I just don't now who it is, un. But I usually know.. Sasori no Danna, do you know someone whose has never laughed?"

Sasori put down his phone book. He was searching for the phone numbers of every pizza place in Bikini Bottom. "Ah ha! Mario's Pizza Place! ... What was it Deidara? I think Itachi never laughs.."

Sasori cringed at the thought of Itachi breaking up into a fit of laughter and shook his head.

Back to Itachi's Life

"So, let's go jellyfishing!" Spongebob brought out three jellyfish nets. "This one's for you..." Spongebob handed Itachi a custom made jellyfishing net. By custom, I mean handmade but Spongebob. Spongebob is terrible at making jellyfishing nets. Not long after Itachi received the net, it broke in half.

"What's jellyfishing?" asked Itachi, his face emotionless. He tossed the net away, and Spongebob handed him a store bought one.

Spongebob gasped. "You... You don't know what jellyfishing is?!"

Patrick scoffed. "And you thought I was the stupid one." Itachi glared at Patrick, locking eyes with him.

"You are the most pitiful thing I've ever seen in my life." Itachi said, obviously peturbed.

"Ahh... Well.." Patrick seemed at a lost for words. "Well, you're a doo doo head!"

Itachi smirked a little, "If that's the best thing you can come up with, then you are just a waste of time."

Spongebob pushed Patrick and Itachi away to JellyFish Fields. "Here we are, JellyFish Field!"

Patrick crossed his arms, "Yeah, watch the PRO at work!" Patrick followed a pink jellyfish, accidentally tripping over a rock.

"Wow..." said Itachi sarcastically. "You are the master." Itachi proceeded to catch all of the remaining jellyfish in the fields in less than a minute.

"Hey Patrick, look!" Spongebob pointed at Itachi. "Weasel caught every jellyfish in here!"

Patrick almost blew up and glared at Itachi. "So... Showoff..."

"This calls for the FUN song!" Spongebob grabbed Itachi (who was struggling to break free) and sang the FUN song out loud. "F is for friends who... U is for you and me... N is for anywhere and anytime at all... Deep blue sea!"

Itachi quickly ran back to the hideout, shutting the door behind him. He locked the door shut and sighed. Sasori and Deidara stared at him. He stared back.

"... I'll be going into my room now." Itachi said matter-of-factly. "Don't bother me."

After Itachi went into his room, Kisame arrived. Deidara and Sasori were still confused, and Kisame explained to them what happened.

"... And I caught it all on tape." Kisame grinned.

* * *

Cyndi: What will happened to Kisame's precious tape? What if he shows everyone?

Itachi: What tape?

Cyndi: Nothing... Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Review and read again, if you liked it!


	6. Doctor Patrick

Doctor Patrick

Sasori: Chapter 6...

Cyndi: It's been a while, sorry to keep you all waiting.

Hidan: I'm so good looking, I can't believe I haven't been in the last chapter.

Cyndi: o.O You didn't swear?

Tobi: Hidan is a good boy.

Hidan: Fuck you Tobi. **Cyndi doesn't own Naruto**. I do. I own all of you guys!

Cyndi:... Chapter Six, here we go! ;D

* * *

Uchiha Itachi was not happy. He was sweating, dumping everything out of Kisame's drawers. Why, you might ask? It was the damn video tape.

"Kisame!" Itachi was actually _yelling_ at him. "Where is that tape?!"

Kisame was whistling an abnormally happy tune. "What tape?" Itachi glared at him.

"You are very, very lucky that my Sharingan doesn't work underwater, you hear me?" Itachi held up a fist.

"You honestly think you could beat me?" Kisame chuckled. His hand came out from a pocket, holding a video tape labeled "Itachi's Super Fun Time".

Itachi gasped. Well, it could have sounded like he was choking, but no one could tell. "Give it to me. NOW."

Kisame kept whistling, and twirled into their living room. "Pein-sama! I need to show you all something..."

Itachi hit his head into the wall repeatedly for the next two hours while the sound of laughter could be heard from the next room.

And so, the sound of laughter and teasing of Itachi would continue on for the remainder of his lifetime.

* * *

Spongebob hopped into Itachi's room. "That was sure a fun time we had!" Itachi was lying motionless on his bed, face down on the pillow.

"Weasel doesn't look too good." Patrick grinned, a sure sign that he was still mad over the whole jellyfishing pro-thing. "Can look in his mouth?"

"You know what this means!?" Spongebob grabbed a first aid kit, giggling.

"DOCTOR PATRICK!" Spongebob and Patrick yelled so loudly that even Deidara's exploding sculptures would have been covering their ears. "DOCTOR ROLEPLAYING!"

Itachi didn't move. He seemed almost dead, except that he was still breathing. "Go away or I'll kill you."

"Someone's being a Squidward today." Patrick put a stethoscope onto Itachi's chest.

"Dr. Spongebob?"

"Yes, Dr. Patrick?"

"He's dead." Patrick looked up, eyes watering. "But he was just talking a minute ago!"

"Oh no Patrick, he was just holding his breath." Spongebob looked at Itachi disapprovingly. "Weasel, i'm going to need you to breathe normally."

Spongebob paused for a minute while Itachi cringed uncomfortably. "Yupp... This one is alive, but has a serious case of the..."

Patrick looked at Spongebob. "Mad Squid Disease?"

"Correct, Dr. Patrick." Spongebob looked at Itachi gravely. "Weasel, if you wish to survive, you need at least two weeks worth of dosage."

Itachi now looked at Spongebob with intense hatred. "Of what?"

"Two weeks worth of jellyfishing and fun, of course!"

Itachi fell back onto the bed while Hidan burst into the room. Hidan was looking for something, grinning.

"Hello, my gray-haired friend." Patrick looked at Hidan with curiousity. "I see that you need to eat more vegetables. Your hair is gray... And I don't think any hair dye could cover your whole head..."

The vein in Hidan's head was throbbing instantly. "Okay, you retard, first of all, I'm going to kill you. Second of all, you're a dumbass and my hair is way better looking than yours. Third, I'm just coming in to make sure Itachi's dead."

Itachi raised his hand weakly. "Still alive."

"Yeah, your hair is pretty cool." Patrick marveled at Hidan's hair. "What kind of shampoo do you use?"

"Shampoo?!" Hidan was getting angrier. "Only Jashin could do this to a handsome person like me."

"Who is Jashin?" Patrick walked closer, causing Hidan to walk farther away.

"You dare use his name in vain?!" Hidan pulled out his scythe. "You heathen prick!" He charged toward Patrick, only to be stopped by Kakuzu.

"Don't you dare, Hidan." Kakuzu's eyes narrowed, arms restraining the immortal idiot.

"But he-" Hidan bit Kakuzu's arm. Kakuzu didn't feel any pain, but proceeded to squish Hidan like a stress-reliever.

"Imagine the costs of repairing the house, bailing _you_ out of jail, and preparing a funeral for this... thing."

"Who cares? Take it out of my piggy-bank!" Hidan charged again, breaking free from Kakuzu's arms.

Hidan was stopped by a sharp knife that pierced through him. Patrick smiled. "My mom always told me to protect myself." Patrick then turned to Spongebob. "We need an extra large bandaid for this one. Or a coffin..." Patrick started to cry. "Why did I just kill a guy with the world's greatest hair?

"You retard." Hidan turned to Patrick. "I'm not dead. But you will be."

"Yay! You're not dead!" Patick turned towards Hidan and hugged him. "Is Jashin your best friend?"

"Okay, fucking heathen. Since you're so eager to know what pain feels like, why don't you convert to my religion?" Hidan pulled the knife out, waiting for a response.

"You're awesome." Patrick looked as the knife was thrown into the trash can. Kakuzu went to go get Itachi cereal for his depression.

"Damn underwater people, causing Isaac (Itachi's codename from Chapter. 2) to fall into depression again." Hidan looked at Kakuzu with the cereal, who poured it into Itachi's mouth. "Now Kevin's gonna be angry that he has to spend money on Isaac's medication..."

"So heathen, we will begin training!" Hidan dragged Patrick out of the room by his leg. Hidan yelled to Kakuzu on the way out. "Remember Itachi likes CoCo Puffs!"

Spongebob looked at Kakuzu awkwardly. "So, you want to be my best friend substitute?"

"Shut up or I'll kill you."

Spongebob talked no furthur, but walked out of the room to watch the seven hundredth re-run of "Itachi's Super Fun Time" with the rest of the Akatsuki crew. Kakuzu, on the other hand, started to take money from Itachi's wallet and later went to discuss Bikini Bottom's stock situation with Mr. Krabs.

* * *

Cyndi: So many mistakes in the last chapters...

Hidan: It's called fucking spell check.

Cyndi: It's also called Shikamaru's laziness!

Hidan: Don't talk about him.

Cyndi: Oh come on, even if he did blow you up and bury you-

Hidan: Shut up.

Cyndi: Fine. And so Patrick's training begins! How will he fare?


	7. Mario's Pizza Place

Mario's Pizza Place

Cyndi: The time has come for Sasori to find Mario's pizza place. I will also include Patrick's training... And I'll throw in whether he dies in the process of not.

Hidan: I should say the damn disclaimer...

Cyndi: You've already said it a lot!

Hidan: But I'm special. Deidara-chan wouldn't stand a fucking chance-

Deidara: Cyndi doesn't own Naruto, un. *smirks at Hidan*

Hidan:...

Cyndi: Yeah, the Deidara pisses me off too. But in the cutest way possible.

Hidan: [Censored Censored Censored Censored]

Far Away

Penguins: Whoa, that's some mouth that dude has.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-..-.-.-

The Hideout

Sasori was plotting in his bedroom. He concluded that Mario's Pizza Place must be a highly armed, dangerous place filled with rogue ninja fish. He prepared many types of poisons specifically for this. Now if Tobi didn't touch these...

"Sasori no Danna!!!" Tobi danced into the room, accompanied by Deidara. It seemed as though Tobi adopted Sasori's "no Danna" status quite quickly from Deidara.

Sasori sighed. "Don't touch those."

Deidara smirked. "Eh... What are _those_, un?" He pointed to the twelve different jars filled with poison.

"Tobi wonders..." Tobi began to touch one jar, poking it. It was filled with a red liquid. On the outside of the jar, a picture of Tobi's happy face was taped onto it. "Is this for Tobi?"

Sasori quickly pulled him away. "You don't want to touch that unless you want to die in the next few minutes..." Sasori also added under his breath, "I'm not going to use it now anyways."

"Tobi is strong!" Tobi drank the poison down. "Tobi likes cranberry juice!"

Sasori jumped back. "What the hell?" He paused and smiled. "I do have an antidote, but I'd rather have you wait and serve your punishment. See you in five minutes." He turned to Deidara. "I'm going to go and destroy Mario's Pizza Place. But I'd like to watch Tobi suffer for the next few minutes." He stuffed a large explosive tag into his bag, follow with a few shuriken, ten gallons of poison, and set up Hiruko, his best puppet. Deidara watched, unsure whether Sasori really needed these weapons to take down a pizza restaurant.

Deidara was baffled. "Sasori no Danna... Do you know what pizza is, un?" Tobi started to stumble around the room, finally collasping in the corner.

Sasori twitched, but regained balance in a minute. "Of course! It's an explosive factory... And pepperoni is something closely related to it." Sasori spoke these words slowly, unsure. Tobi was cringing compulsively, gasping for breath.

"..." Deidara looked at Sasori in disbelief. "Pfft...Hehe..."

"What's so funny?" Deidara erupted into a fit of laughter.

"Sasori no Danna." Deidara sat down on the bed, creasing his eyebrows. "I respect you and all that, but pizza is food, un."

"Food?" Sasori seemed taken aback. "Nonsense." Tobi rolled over, motionless.

Deidara walked over to Tobi and put his hand into Tobi's pocket. He pulled out a picture of a large pepperoni pizza. He walked back to Sasori, a smirk on his face. "Pizza is technically a large piece of dough topped with tomato sauce, spread all over with cheese and various toppings, un. Toppings would be things like pepperoni... And this is what Westerners call food too. Yuck." Tobi was turning blue... Of course, no one could tell. Deidara pulled off one of Tobi's gloves. Purple... Even better. He turned to Sasori. "Sasori no Danna, I like Tobi-baka better this way, un."

"Oh..." Sasori hit his head. "Then this mission will be even easier." He went over to Tobi with a large needle, filled with antidote. Tobi whimpered. He injected the antidote in as Tobi struggled to take his "last" breaths. "Never touch my stuff again."

"So, how do you plan to take those pizza delivery fish out, un?" Deidara grabbed the remote and started searching through the channels. He gave up later on, since all of the channels showed fish soap operas. Deidara would watch the cooking channel, but he'd rather not eat Seaweed Salad or Algae Cake.

"Delivery fish?" Sasori was definitely confused this time. "They're not S-Ranked ninjas?" The stunned looked on Sasori's face assured Deidara that Sasori honestly did not know what they were.

"Tobi is confused..." Tobi regained his breathing pace, and was now "normal" again. Deidara seemed to be spazzing uncontrollably now.

Deidara was keeling over. As Tobi would later describe, Deidara was LOLing, LHAOing, and ROFLing for the entire week. Everytime Zetsu would recommend that they order pizza, Deidara would start laughing. Kakuzu, in particular, was not impressed when Deidara spit hot, melted cheese right onto his face... Repeatedly. From now on, Kakuzu would wear a raincoat to Pizza Fridays and would sit as far away from Deidara as possible. In fact, everyone would sit as far away from Deidara as possible.

Mario's Pizza Place

One fish was answering the phone. "Hello?"

"Hello." Sasori was on the other end of the phone. "Is this Mario's Pizza Place?"

"Yeah, bud. What do you think?" The other fish whispered something to his co-worker. They laughed hysterically. Sasori walked into the fast food building, and walked up to the counter, hanging up the phone call.

"I'm going to kill you." Sasori said this is a very casual voice, as if he was asking for the weather. "Would you like me to do it now or in the next five minutes." Tobi and Deidara followed him, but Sasori didn't know. They hid behind a trash can. Tobi was hidden _inside _the trash can, as Deidara suggested. In fact, Deidara suggested that he not come out for the next week and a half.

The fish turned around. "Bud, you just can't come in here killing people like this. We have a way of settling stuff."

"Okay, we will fight according to your customs." Sasori glared at the fish, whose name tag read "Mario".

"We will determine the winner in a game of..." Mario stepped up. "Rock Paper Scissors!"

Deidara pulled out Kisame's video recorder. This had to be good.

1

2

3

Sasori held out a fist. The other fish held out a paper sign. "You lose."

Sasori widened his eyes. What form of trickery is this? "Two out of Three, Mario."

Sasori lost repeatedly. After fifteen rounds, he got fed up and decided to just kill the fish. Deidara hugged Kisame's video recorder. But his moment of triumph was short lived... Someone was heading towards his hiding place.

"Hey there Danny!" Spongebob walked in, surprisingly unaffected by the corpse Sasori was dragging out from behind the counter. He looked at Deidara. "Can I play hide and seek too?"

Sasori looked at Spongebob, then at Deidara, then at the video recorder. Using his chakra strings, he pulled the recorder from Deidara and broke it. Deidara stifled a groan.

Sasori frowned. "I can't have Itachi's depression now, okay?" He smiled at Spongebob, who was looking at the corpse.

Spongebob stepped back. "You guys are having a pinata party and didn't invite me?!" Spongebob started crying, pointing at Mario's body. Sasori frowned again, this time at Spongebob's stupidity.

"We are not having a pinata party..." Sasori opened the door and left. Deidara was still groaning.

"Tobi is bored." Tobi's voice could be heard inside the trash bin. "Is it starting yet?"

Deidara threw the trash bin into the wall. "Tobi-baka, it's over."

Spongebob was surprised to see Tobi appear. "Let's go jellyfishing! Patrick's been so busy, hanging out with his new best friend..." Spongebob sniffed.

"Yeah, that Hidan-san is certainly a magnet for girls..." Deidara recalled Hidan's past dates. "But this Patrick guy is a guy, correct?" Deidara was confused...

Flashback

_Hidan walked through the door with the blondest girl Deidara had ever seen. _

_"Hidan-san, who is that?" Deidara looked up from the book he had been reading, labeled "When Tobi Attacks"._

_"Oh, this?" Hidan looked at the girl, who was offended by what he called her. "This is Sacrifice Number Sixty Eight."_

_The girl's eyes widened. Hidan took a gulp of air._

_"Umm.. Fuck... I mean..." He looked at Deidara. "This is..." He nudged the girl. "What's your name again?"_

_The girl pouted. "You met me in a church half an hour ago and bring me here to call me Sacrifice Number Sixty Eight. I'm leaving, Sketch Man. You couldn't even remember my name, Miyuma."_

_Hidan cringed, annoyed. He lowered his breath and whispered in the girl's ears. She seemed comfortable again, not confused at all. Deidara was confused, but left Hidan to perform his sacrifice._

_Two hours later..._

_Hidan came out of the room, bloody and all. He grinned at Deidara. "You're sure a lifesaver, Deidara-chan."_

_Deidara narrowed his eyes. "What did you whisper in her ear, un?"_

_Hidan grinned. "Oh, that was such a good damn line, you should stay here more often." He turned to Deidara and smiled evily. "I told her you were my mother and that you were against blonde people and that you wanted to sacrifice her. Then I told her that she wouldn't want my mother to know that she was an Anti-Jashinist, so I brought her to my room, playing the part of the hero. Fucking hilarious, right? Blondes are stupid."_

_Deidara was angry. "I am not your mother!" He pondered for a moment. "And not all blondes are stupid, un!"_

_Hidan was already half way out the door. "I disagree Deidara-chan, especially in your case of gender confusion."_

Present

Deidara sighed. "I'm going to kill him someday, but I just can't, un."

Spongebob looked into Deidara's thought cloud. "I think Howie is really cool though. Very happy guy, with a strange vocabulary. He might like to go jellyfishing!"

"Howie? Jellyfishing?!" Deidara thought for a moment, smiling. "He'll kill all those pink jellyfish."

Spongebob gasped. Tobi started to cry. "We will never take Howie jellyfishing!"

Patrick the Jashinist

Patrick was praying, mimicking the words that sprouted out of Hidan's mouth. He sat down across from Hidan, they were under his rock.

"I am an idiot, and Howie-sempai is superior to me. I am a dick." Hidan said these words slowly while Patrick repeated.

"I am an idiot, and Howie-sempai is superior to me. I am a dick." Patrick now opened his eyes, confused and unsure. "Are you sure this is how I get awesome hair?"

"Shut up, you retard!" Hidan growled. "But if you're so impatient, we'll move the fuck on."

"Good," stated Patrick, "I've been praying nonstop for the last three hours."

"Stab yourself." Hidan now stretched himself, standing up. He handed Patrick a pike. "Go."

Patrick was hesitant. "Are you sure?"

"Well..." Hidan seemed to be thinking. "If you don't die, you're in. If you do, you didn't pray enough. Now hurry the fuck up, we're wasting time. Through the heart, okay?"

Patrick stabbed himself in the heart and fell down. Hidan started laughing, picking up the pike. "Jashin, I know you'll always be my best friend. Not accepting that retard was the best decision we've ever made."

"What?" Patrick sat up, now looking like a minature pink Hidan with a pointy head. White hair sprang out from Patrick's head, and his eyes turned purple.

"Oh Shit, why're you still in this life?" Hidan was agitated. "I thought you died? Jashin-sama, did you not kill this heathen?" He walked up to Patrick and stabbed him repeatedly.

"Ouch.." Patrick yelped. "That tickles, you know!"

Hidan ran out of the rock, screaming for Kakuzu. "He's alive, and his appearance is a fucking mockery of me!" Kakuzu opened the door to the hideout, looking at Hidan's disheveled face. He sighed and then locked the door as soon as Hidan was inside.

"What the heck is going on?" Kakuzu was annoyed, worried, and feeling an urge to kill something right now.

"The starfish is alive!" Hidan groaned. "I thought I killed him. Do something Kakuzu!"

"Two idiots I can't kill now..." Kakuzu creased his eyebrows, shaking his head back and forth. Hidan was annoyed now.

"What do you mean two idiots?!" Hidan flinched. "You cannot fucking mean me too!"

"Shut up, Hidan." Kakuzu taped Hidan to the wall. "We'll just sit still now and not say anything. That pink squishy thing will not know how to make any sacrifices, and his immortality will wear off soon enough, okay?"

Hidan calmed down, like a child who finally got his teddy bear. "Fine. It disappoints me that I can't kill the retard myself, no matter how hard I try..." Hidan sat down on Kakuzu's bed while Kakuzu glared at him. "So sleepy..." Hidan was now snoring in Kakuzu's bed, unaware that he would wake up tomorrow on the water surface to be pecked by seagulls.

Konan

Konan was flipping through the Bikini Bottom Newspaper that Pein had sent her, along with a postcard. She was sipping tea, dressed in her bathrobe. She sighed while looking through the newspaper:

BIKINI BOTTOM NEWS

CONTENTS

Weird Surface People move to Bikini Bottom ("That's the idiot crew..." thought Konan)

Naked Man seen running through street yelling "Heathens" ("That Hidan is a riot," thought Konan)

Exploding jellyfish seen with Blonde Woman ("Deidara?!," Konan laughed)

Lollipop Craze hits Bikini Bottom! (A/N You people guess the rest)

Mario is Missing, last seen with Wooden Man

The Amazing Talking Plant? See inside for details...

Kisame returns, publishes "My Life above the Surface"

Mysterious Piercings mystifies Fish Inhabitants

Bank robbed, robber is suspected to possess Tentacles

"This is why it's better to stay home," said Konan to herself, "it's extremely troublesome with those idiots." She eventually sent back a postcard, asking Pein whether they were to extend their stay in Bikini Bottom.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Cyndi: Another chapter is done!

Zetsu: I haven't really been in the story though...

Cyndi: Don't worry, I'll figure it out soon enough.

Tobi: Tobi thinks that you guys are good boys and girls! Tobi thanks you!

Deidara: Aww Tobi-baka, always grabbing the spotlight.

Tobi: Deidara-sempai!!! Tobi thinks you are a good boy.

Deidara: I'm going to run away as far as possible from you, baka.

Hidan: Another fucking chapter with stupid Deidara-chan hogging the spaces. Review, I couldn't care less. Fuck you Deidara.

Deidara: Hidan----chaaannn!

Hidan: ... Arghhhh

2 minutes later...

Penguins: There's that noise again... I wish that guy would just go see a therapist.


	8. Get a Job!

Get a Job

Cyndi: Hey, have you seen the poll on my page?

Pein: No.

Cyndi: Okay... But anyways, vote for what you want to see next in AGSB! Hmm... I need ideas...

Pein: Okay.

Cyndi: Have you read the latest Naruto Chapter? It's fantastic!

Pein: Stop talking and get on with the story.

Cyndi: Fine, Pein-sama. Penguins?!

Penguin: **Cyndi does not own Spongebob, but she owns the penguins**.

* * *

Pein was annoyed. He was running low on funds, and needed someone to earn money. He didn't know where all the money went, but he had a pretty good idea of who spent it all. Although he had not gotten a straight forward answer, he was sure it was Kakuzu (who he questioned last night). He also was embarrased thoroughly by Tobi, who recorded the entire questioning on a voice recorder.

Flashback

_"Where did the money go?" asked Pein, perturbed._

_Kakuzu shrugged. "I don't know who would spend it all on stocks and useless stuff."_

_Pein raised his eyebrow. "How would you know that the person spent it on stocks... and useless stuff?"_

_"Umm..." Kakuzu looked at Pein, and looked away quickly. "It was Hidan."_

_"And last time we had a shortage you also said Hidan used the money to buy new stitches..." Pein was pacing back and forth, like a detective who was questioning a possible suspect. "But since Hidan rarely wears clothes and appears in public without clothes, nobody reported that he had new stitches." Pein cringed, and wondered why he recruited the strangest people to be in Akatsuki._

_"Eh." Kakuzu made a run for it. _

_Hidan emerged, looking at Kakuzu run at the fastest speed possible for him. "What's his problem?" Hidan was wearing a towel, and a towel only._

_Pein backed away. "Go put some clothes on, Hidan-san." _

_Hidan pouted. "I thought people liked me better without much clothes on."_

_"Umm, I guess but..." Pein stopped, regretting what he had just said._

_Tobi looked into the room, holding a voice recorder. "Awkward..." Tobi giggled and skipped back out of the room as Pein stared at him, mouth wide open.  
_

_"Oh damn it." Pein was shaking his head back and forth. "I'm not gay, Hidan-san, not gay." He made his way slowly to the other side of the room, away from Hidan.  
_

_"Come on, Leader-sama." Hidan was now speaking in a teasing manner. "Don't get shy on me. Just because you're a damn gay doesn't mean I'll treat you any differently." He smirked. "I guess I am good looking enough to turn people gay."_

_"I am not gay!" Pein held up a picture of Konan. He pointed to the picture. "See? I'm not gay!"_

_Hidan laughed. "Calm the fuck down, Leader-sama. I was just joking... No need to get all tense..." Hidan jerked his head up. "Unless you really are gay!" Hidan was now very anxious, and went out the door. "Stay away from me!"_

Pein sighed. It was better to get everyone a job and make them suffer for putting him in an awkward situation.

He got an idea. That cheap bastard Mr. Krabs could provide jobs for some of them, and get them off of Pein's back. He searched through the phonebook and called the Krusty Krabs.

"Hello?" Pein coughed, and waited for a reply.

Another voice answered. "Are you from a bank, involved with a bank, or born in a bank?"

"Uh, I don't really think so." Pein was annoyed now. "I was just calling to see if I could get a job for some of my men, you remember me, right?"

"Who are you?" Mr. Krabs was still wary. "If you want to lend money, I'm going to hang up."

The vein in Pein's head was throbbing. "No, I'm Peter, from Howie's group."

"Howie?!" Mr. Krabs was mad. "The landlubber who took my daughter to the prom?" Mr. Krabs wanted to kill that man, but making him work for two dollars an hour was a better way to torture him. He relaxed and now spoke in a calm tone. "Of course, Howie's friend. Send five of your best men and have them report to work at nine o clock sharp!" Mr. Krabs hung up.

Pein sighed. "I really want a crab salad right now... Sushi perhaps."

* * *

"Work?!" Sasori, Deidara, Hidan, Kakuzu and Itachi murmured the words angrily. Itachi was recovered from his depression, which lasted a week or so. Because Itachi's depression was so severe, he had to upgrade from Coco Puffs to Lucky Charms if he had any hope of making it through the day. Everyone kept a safe distance from Pein. Pein sighed, Hidan or Tobi told them of the gay thing...

"Send Tobi instead, un." Deidara pulled Tobi and pushed him toward Pein. Pein shook his head.

"It has to be you guys, you are the group with the most free time." Pein looked at Tobi. "And you guys are not Tobi-san, who is bound to destroy the restaurant within seconds of entering it."

"But what about Zetsu and and Kisame?" Sasori was calm and somewhat happy, now that he had destroyed Mario.

"Well, Kisame is looking for his sister, who had gone missing. And Zetsu is doing a secret mission." Pein emphasized the word 'secret' because he honestly did not know where Zetsu had gone.

"So where the fuck are we working?" Hidan was sitting far away from where Pein sat.

Pein looked at Hidan, who looked away and backed up a little. "Remember Mr. Krabs? You'll be working at his restaurant... You know, you took his daughter to prom."

"Oh fuck shit!" Hidan was sweating. "Are you crazy?! That lunatic is going to sit on me! Crazy whale bitch!"

"I'm giving you guys orders, okay?" Pein was grave. "We're running out of money, and you people spend the most money."

He walked past each of them, telling them what the money was spent on. "Shampoo" said Pein as he walked past Hidan and Deidara. "A rust-proof anchor to keep you on the seafloor" smirked Pein as he swept past Sasori. "Cereal" laughed Pein as he went by Itachi. "Useless things and worthless stocks" cracked Pein as he walked past Kakuzu.

It was eight thirty. Everyone grumbled as they set off for their first day of work. They wondered how they were expected to make money at a measley pay of $2 an hour.

Krusty Krab

Everyone walked through the door, unsure if Mr. Krabs was going to hit them by surprise. Itachi led the way, with Hidan shivering at the end of the line.

A red thing touched Hidan on the shoulder. "Nice to see you again, lad."

Hidan jumped up. "Fuck!" He looked as Mr. Krabs held up five Krusty Krab hats.

They each took one and put it on. Deidara laughed at Itachi, who looked funny with the hat on. Spongebob stepped out the bathroom and looked at them. He stared for a moment before giving Itachi one of his creepy grins.

"Weasel!" Spongebob went to hug Itachi.

Itachi was twitching uncomfortable. Mr. Krabs intervened, taking Spongebob away. "Why don't you take a vacation, Spongebob? These guys are cheaper."

Spongebob saluted Mr. Krabs, smiling. "Ai Ai, Mr. Krabs!" He hopped out of the building, waving a jellyfish net.

"Blondie." Mr. Krabs gave them all name tags to write on. "You are the cashier." Deidara growled at him, and stomped to the cash register, throwing Squidward out of the building. Kakuzu glanced at the cash register, eyes gleaming.

"Red." Mr. Krabs pointed to Sasori. "You will be the delivery man." Sasori shrugged. "Since we'll be serving Krusty Krab Pizza, you get to deliver them." Sasori twitched at the word "pizza".

"Ah, my good stock friend Kevin." Mr. Krabs now pointed to Kakuzu. "You will be the waiter. Go around tables serving people nicely, and you'll get a good tip."

"Issac..." Mr. Krabs looked at Itachi's name tag. "You will be the fry cook and take Spongebob's place." Mr. Krabs handed Itachi a spatula, and Itachi went into the kitchen.

"Last but not least, my daughter's Howie." Mr. Krabs glared at Hidan. "I know what happened at the prom, lad. Don't think I'd let you get away with it." Hidan groaned.

"Just give me the fucking job." Hidan sat on the ground, glaring.

"For a guy with a sailor's mouth like you," Mr. Krabs smirked evily. Hidan frowned. "You will clean the restrooms." Mr. Krabs laughed. "Good luck with that, lad."

Hidan whimpered as he looked inside the bathroom. It was going to be a long, long day.

Their first customer strolled into the building. He looked at Deidara. "Two Krabby Patties, please."

"You should lay off that junk, un." Deidara looked at the fat fish sadly. "Do you still live with your mother?"

The fat fish glared at Deidara. "If that's how you treat your customers, I'm leaving!" He looked at an old fish who had just come in. "We're leaving, mom!" He grabbed the old fish and left.

Deidara and Sasori hi-fived. "That's a very good example of fleeting art, Deidara!" Mr. Krabs was infuriated and taped Deidara's mouth shut and kicked him out.

"You're fired!" He put Sasori at the cash register.

Another customer came in and ordered a pizza. Sasori kicked the fish out of the restaurant, _how dare he try to bomb the establishment_, Sasori thought. Mr. Krabs then kicked Sasori out. He now sighed and manned the cash register himself.

A purple fish came in and sat down at a table. Kakuzu went by and asked him what he wanted to order.

"I'll have one order of coral bits." Kakuzu then gave the order to Itachi, who didn't know what the order meant. When Kakuzu gave the order to the customer, the customer cried out in fear.

"What the heck is _that_?" screamed the customer.

Kakuzu looked at the fried mess. "I have no idea... Let me go get the cook."

Itachi came out, unsmiling. "What seems to be the problem?"

"What is that?" asked Kakuzu, revolted.

"Didn't the guy order Crispy Bits?" asked Itachi, shaking his head.

Kakuzu gasped. "You fried your pet rabbit?" The customer, hearing this, ran out of the restaurant.

"I didn't know you didn't mean Crispy!" Itachi was confused. He looked at the black mess on the table. "I seriously thought you meant bits of Crispy..."

Mr. Krabs, who was monitoring the situation, kicked Itachi out. Itachi walked to Sasori and Deidara, who were sitting outside of the restaurant watching the show going on inside.

Another customer followed, and ordered his meal. He made it until the end, when Kakuzu asked him for a tip.

"Here's your bill, it's a hundred dollars for the service." Kakuzu gave him a serious look.

"You're crazy, a hundred dollar tip?" The customer instead gave Kakuzu a dollar.

Kakuzu killed the fish and was soon kicked out by Mr. Krabs. Hidan was the last one, who was still inside the bathroom. Mr. Krabs opened the bathroom door and fainted.

The bathroom was a mess, filled with blood and dead bodies. "Well, I was going to clean it up!" protested Hidan when Itachi dragged him out of the bathroom. "He didn't say that I couldn't sacrifice whoever came into the bathroom!" Sasori and Deidara were sputtering.

"Clean." Kakuzu handed Hidan a mop and headed for the register. Seeing nothing in it, he threw it away. Hidan started to mop around the bathroom, sweeping the dead bodies like dust rabbits. Itachi looked on, holding Crispy's remains.

Sasori proceeded to redesign the bathroom and covered all traces of murder. He spray painted the walls with "Sasori was here" or "Your danna, fool". Satisfied with his work, he let Deidara take care of replacing the toilet paper.

Hidan, done with the mopping, looked at Deidara. "When someone wipes their ass, it's going to explode, right Deidara-chan?" Deidara nodded, smirking. Hidan then walked over to Itachi, grabbing some parts of Crispy. He ate it, and then spit it out.

"What the hell is this?" Hidan pointed to the black ashes.

"It's Crispy." Itachi pet the ashes.

Hidan was now brushing his teeth, looking into the bathroom mirror. "Fucking gross!"

"Shall we head back?" asked Sasori, looking at the four other men. "Today was too fun."

They headed back to the hideout, laughing. Except for Hidan, who was still trying to get the essence of Crispy out of his mouth.

* * *

"How did the day go?" asked Pein, reading a newspaper. He was obviously uninterested.

Deidara shrugged. "We got fired, un."

Pein was not surprised. "I knew that would happen. I'm not surprised that it didn't happen sooner."

"Ah..." Itachi gave Pein the remains of Crispy. "Here's what I got fired for."

Pein, recognizing the smoldering ash to be Crispy, was suddenly laughing. "This is what you tried to serve to the customers?!"

"Not my fault that Kakuzu has bad handwriting." said Itachi, sulking back into his room.

"Hidan, what did you do?" asked Pein.

"Oh, nothing special. Just the usual sacrificing in the bathroom stuff."

"Oh." Pein looked back at his newspaper. "You are all dismissed. The idiot sponge is coming over again tomorrow, so rest up."

Everyone frowned. Tobi came into the room. "Yay! Spongebob is coming over with Patrick!"

Hidan's eyes widened. "Oh shit." He looked at Kakuzu. Kakuzu shrugged, ignoring Tobi.

Hidan looked at Tobi. "Give me those Lucky Charms."

* * *

Cyndi: The sweet smell of another chapter coming up!

Tobi: Tobi is glad!

Hidan: Aww Shit.

Deidara: Stay tuned! Patrick comes over again in the next chapter, but how will Hidan react? Is Patrick still immortal, has he made any sacrifices?

Cyndi: I'm glad it's a weekend. I might be able to update more! :D I'll try to answer some of those reviews, but i forgot the password to my email.

Hidan: You douche.

Cyndi: You masochistic freak. And yes, all Omnistrife fans, Crispy the bunny made its appearance.

Pikachu: Pika?


	9. Bubble Buddy

Chapter 9 : Bubble Buddy

Cyndi: Here's a long-awaited update. Please don't kill me.

Itachi: .... Just get on with it.

Patrick: WOOOO!!! **Cyndi does not own Naruto** or... Duh...

Spongebob: **Spongebob**, Patrick.

Patrick: Hey! I know someone with that name!

Cyndi: Here we go again, people.

* * *

"What is today's date?" Pein turned to Sasori, waiting for an answer. Everyone was huddled around a campfire outside of Spongebob's house, shivering.

"I lost track..." grumbled Sasori. "It's been forever since we first came here." Deidara nodded in agreement.

"I agree with Sasori No Danna," said Deidara, "I just CANNOT wait to get out of this hellhole." Itachi, who was roasting marshmallows, ignored him.

Suddenly, Spongebob appeared out of nowhere. Patrick followed suit, and Hidan jumped out of his seat in surprise. One can assume that Spongebob and Patrick were not only insane, but stalkers as well.

"Why, thank you very much." Patrick sat down in Hidan's empty seat around the fire. "This is what best buddies are for."

Hidan looked ready to kill when he realized what happened. That motherfucking _thing _just stole his seat! Catching Pein's frustrated stare, he decided to stay out of a potential fight. Instead, he sat on the ground, glaring at the pink son-of-a-bitch.

Plankton, who was sitting next to Pein, called for silence. "Now, everyone, let's begin to-"

Deidara found it difficult not to recognize the little creature. "SHELDON!" Kakuzu keeled over and knocked Kisame on the head in the process.

"Silence!!!" exclaimed Pein, not wanting to go _there_ again. "I thought we settled this a few chapters ago!"

Plankton nodded. "So what's the plan?"

"Well," said Pein, "We were in the process of gathering power from nine different Jinchuurikis..."

Plankton nodded his head slowly. "I don't get it... I know of something more powerful than those Jin-kinkies." He walked over to Deidara. "Something like a whole army of Plankton raiding the city! All we need is a ton of root beer to convince them..."

"I'm always eager to send a little midget army to destroy Konoha and take over the world..." said Deidara, smirking at the Plankton's idea. "Maybe you guys know of something like a destroy-the-world-midget jutsu or something?"

Spongebob raised his hand. "I have an idea if you guys want to destroy a city!"

"What... would... that be?" said Hidan in short bursts of laughter. The others leaned in for a closer look of what Spongebob had in plan.

"A..." Spongebob leaned in closer to Hidan's ear. "BUBBLE ARMY!"' Hidan fell onto the floor, rubbing his ear. When he sat back down, he made it **clear** that he was mad by sitting on Spongebob's face.

"That tickles!" exclaimed Spongebob, who was giggling. Pein stared at his companions nervously.

"A bubble army?" exclaimed Pein. "What in the world is that?"

"I'll... show you..." said Spongebob excitedly, slipping out of Hidan. He blew a bubble figure. "It's Bubble Buddy!"

"Very well then..." said Pein in disbelief. He just wanted that useless thing OUT of here. "Eh... Itachi, spend a day with this weapon and see if it's useful." He made sure to whisper so Itachi wouldn't be completely freaking out.

Itachi looked up. "... You want me to do this?" The marshmallows were still roasting and they were... Not exactly marshmallows anymore, but more like ashes. A burning smell made Sasori cough. Deidara insisted that Tobi try out these fantastic "marshmallows", but all Pein had to do to stop it was glare at Deidara. Deidara muttered an apology, but continued to glance at Tobi and the marshmallows.

Pein looked at him with pity. "Just try, unless you want to spend another day with Spongebob and Patrick."

Hidan looked at Itachi with a haha-it's-not-me-it's-you smile. "Just do it."

Itachi sat silently now, continuing to roast the "marshmallows" over the fire. It's evident that Itachi had lost whatever was left of his sanity since he came to Bikini Bottom. He began rocking back and forth violently, like a addict who is going through withdrawal. After five minutes of huddling in his darkness, he dropped his marshmallow and nodded. He wore the face of a deranged man.

He walked across and grabbed Bubble Buddy's hand. Pein was sad to see Itachi having to face this alone. This bubble atrocity couldn't be good for the man's deteriorating health. His eyes darted around the campfire, and they caught the look of Hidan's smug face.

"Hidan, would you mind accompanying Itachi in this _dangerous_ mission?" whispered Pein, trying to mask the stupidity of this mission with an adjective.

Hidan looked panicked, but stuggled to regain his composure. "I-I-I... Don't know! I don't know if I could handle a fucking dangerous mission like that one!" His tone was spiked with sarcasm, but in the back of his head Hidan knew that it was better than hanging out with Spongebob and Pink-Boob for the day.

"Very well, Zetsu, would you mind?" asked Pein, who glared at Hidan. Zetsu emerged from the shadows, and it had been days since anyone last saw him around Akatsuki Under-Water Headquarters. He cradled an underwater cactus, which resembled a desert cactus apart from the multiple plant warts that it had. Pein looked at it and opened his mouth. "What... Is that?"

"_That'_s my wife." Zetsu said this with complete seriousness.

The whole group sat awkwardly for ten whole minutes.

Zetsu's POV : _**I can't believe they fell for that! LMFAO! **_

_But, Zetsu, isn't this sort of bad that they would believe that you married a cactus?_

_**Shut up you fucking other side of me! This is priceless... Mwahaha... Priceless!!!**_

Hidan coughed and opened his mouth to speak. "I'll go."

Pein continued to stare at Zetsu's cactus, so Hidan just ran to get Itachi and Bubble Buddy the hell out of this awkward situation. Deidara grabbed Sasori and followed Hidan, not wanting to remain in awkward air for the sake of a cactus. Kakuzu, Plankton, Spongebob, Patrick, and Pein were left behind, all seemingly shocked at this marriage. They were simply **not** able to move.

Far, far away, Deidara sighed. "Thank God we're out of that sticky situation." He looked at Sasori, who was emotionless. "Hey, Sasori-no-Danna, what did you think of Zetsu-san's alliance with this cactus?" The group of five were now at the Goo Lagoon, supposedly "hanging out" with Bubble Buddy.

Sasori saw this as a perfect opportunity to scare the shit out of Deidara. "It makes me... Reconsider the type of partner that I'm looking for." He smiled innocently and threw a perverted gaze to the seaweed patch across the road.

Deidara was disgusted, but he was pretty sure that Sasori was kidding. "... If that's what you want." Deidara smirked. "I still dont' see why in the world you would be turned on by a patch of seaweed... Considering that you're a puppet and you're practically dickless."

Sasori threw Deidara a look of intense loathing and pushed Deidara into the shadows. Not long after that, Deidara emerged from the shadows with huge bruises on his arms and face.

Itachi was sitting on the soft sand, talking to Bubble Buddy while Hidan watched. "You know, you and I have a lot in common. We both like the quiet and solitude of the rushing waves. So... Bubble Buddy, what kind of hobby are you interested in?" Hidan groaned, and he was sure that Itachi had gone completely insane.

At that moment, ice cream fell onto Itachi's head. Hidan waited for Itachi to crack, but he didn't. Hidan frowned and sat next to Itachi. "Why the hell are you not freaking out?"

"Zzzz..."

"Oh." Hidan smirked, and took out a Sharpie Marker. "Let's just make the most out of this fucking predicament." He leaned forward to write "I love Sasuke" on Itachi's forehead, but some pushing force pushed him. He landed on Itachi's face, and their lips touched, or rather,_ kissed_

"Holy Fucking Jashin!" He struggled to get up, but a camera flash was heard before he had a chance to get out of the position. "Damn it to hell!"

Itachi woke up. "What...?" He touched his lips and frowned. He looked at Deidara, who was holding a camera. Then he looked at Hidan, who was rubbing his mouth with soap. It didn't take long for him to figure out what was going on.

"Itachi, I want to tell you that some motherfu-" started Hidan. Itachi put his hand over Hidan's mouth. Hidan closed his eyes, ready to take that punch. Instead, Itachi looked at him and said something to him.

_"It's ok if you're gay, but I'm not." _

Hidan's eyes widened in shock. "What the fucking hell is this?" He stuttered. "I-I-I..."

"I know I'm extremely hot and you just couldn't help yourself, but that doesn't make it acceptable." Itachi just sighed and asked Deidara for a bar of soap.

"Now you fucking listen to me," said Hidan, "I am NOT attracted to men, and Deidara probably pushed me."

"Neither Sasori nor I pushed you, Hidan-san." said Deidara, who looked pretty guilty with the camera in his hands. "I swear."

Sasori, who had a reputation for being honest, confirmed that statement. "It wasn't us, but Deidara is responsible for taking a picture to blackmail you later on."

Hidan looked over at Bubble Buddy. "It was YOU! You did this, didn't you?" Everyone looked at Bubble Buddy.

Bubble Buddy didn't budge, and Deidara was sure that Hidan was going crazy. At this rate, Hidan might even be in the running for craziest man alive, apart from Itachi. Itachi was humming the "Powerpuff Girls" theme song.

Sasori eyed the bubble suspiciously. "It can't be..."

Deidara looked at Sasori with alarm."What is it?"

Sasori blinked. "I'm certain that it was the bubble who caused all of this. You know, Deidara, there is more than meets the eye."

"Referencing _Transformers_, Sasori no Danna?" gasped Deidara. "Seriously, the world is coming to an end!!!" Deidara started to sob. "I'm going to be the last person left sane..."

"Silence!" said Sasori, taking a needle from his bag. "Watch..." He placed the needle in his right hand and moved it towards Bubble Buddy.

Suddenly, Bubble Buddy started to move. "So what if I wanted to see some action around here? You stupid morons... You never suspected!" Bubble Buddy started floating to the surface, leaving a very disturbed Hidan gaping at the sight.

When the team returned, Pein was surprised that they were still alive. "What happened?"

Sasori was the only one to speak. "Leader-sama, we failed in our mission to prove that Bubble Buddy was a competent ally."

Deidara chimed in. "But we can say that Bubble Buddy is, in fact, a perverted yaoi fan who provided me with an awesome picture." Hidan glared at Deidara, who handed the photo to Pein. Pein smirked and tucked it away in his pocket for Kisame.

Pein smiled. "Since youv'e all completed this mission, who wants Lucky Charms? We finally found an under-water store that carries this brand. I know Itachi will be happy for sure." Itachi's eyes lit up and he furiously snatched the shopping bags out of Pein's hands.

Itachi regained some of his sanity he lost that day.

* * *

Cyndi: Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and don't forget to keep voting on the polls!


	10. Tobi

Akatsuki Go Spongebob

Chapter Ten: Tobi

Tobi: Ahh, Deidara-senpai, this chapter title has my name in it!

Deidara: Tobi-baka, it's clearly a mistake, un.

Cyndi: Nope. It's not a mistake. Anyways, tell them the disclaimer.

Tobi: I love dango dango dango, un. -copies Deidara-

Deidara: ... Shut the f*ck up Tobi, un. You will never be as great as I**. Cyndi does not own Naruto, un... **

* * *

Pein was walking to the grocery store, which was located halfway across town. Wait, Pein was _walking_. Only normal people walked, not the great leader of the Akatsuki. He frowned, looking at the high speed boats that were whizzing by needed a chauffeur who could drive one of those things.

After spending an hour at the grocery store, he went and bought a boat. Someone promised him that the boat would be delivered to the hideout in a few minutes. He would send someone to learn how to drive that boat. And if one of the Akatsuki knew how to drive a boat, he could abuse his power as leader to make them drive him! He snickered evilly, running past a white-haired guy wearing a bra made out of shells over an orange top.

All of the Akatsuki, except Konan, were sitting in a circle watching TV. There was a pretty good documentary that explained how squirrels were migrating to Bikini Bottom in order to-

"Hey guys, who wants to drive?" asked Pein. The Akatsuki looked at him with wide eyes. Sasori opened his mouth to speak.

"Leader-sama, did you forget about the time when Hidan drove a car?" Sasori glared at Hidan, who was whistling nonchalantly.

Pein felt his face heat up. How could he forget? That bastard broke his car, dammit!

Flashback

Pein was wiping the windshield of his new, ultra-luxurious Porsche. He had just purchased it this morning from... Ok, well, he didn't really purchase it. Let's just say that his_ best friend _had passed away and left it for Pein in his will. He was so excited about finally getting a car that was going to make him look awesome. He called the Akatsuki to come and see this fantastic car, and he left the keys inside of it.

Hidan, upon seeing the car, hyperventilated. "No fucking way! This is..." He ran over to the car and jumped on it. "Holy Jashin, is this for me?"

"No."

"B-But, I'm a great driver! Come on, Leader-sama, I can fucking drive a car!"

"No." Pein turned to Kakuzu to start ranting about the car.

Deidara grinned. He saw Hidan slipping into the car. He turned to Pein, pretending not to notice Hidan driving away from the scene. "I bet Konan would totally date you for a chance to ride this, un."

"We all know that you would date him to_ ride_." Sasori smirked, and Deidara blushed. Sasori continued to mock Deidara's sexuality until Deidara finally slapped him. Sasori gave Deidara a murderous glare and ignored him by retreating inside of Hiruko for the rest of the week.

"Can Tobi drive? Because Tobi is such a good driver, and besides you wouldn't believe what Tobi just saw-" Tobi stared at the place where Hidan had just left with the car. He was about to tell Pein about the car, but Itachi cupped his hand over Tobi's mouth.

"If Leader-sama sees this, he won't be lacking hatred for a while... So shut up Tobi." Itachi watched Pein with squinted eyes as the Leader continued to rant about the car to Kakuzu.

Kakuzu dropped onto the ground, noticing that the car was gone. "H-How much did you pay for this?!" There was a bit of anger present in his voice.

"None," smiled Pein, "My friend gave it to me, and no way in hell am I letting Hidan drive-" He turned to glare at Hidan. Wait, where the hell was Hidan? He turned around to see the car missing, along with Hidan.

Pein turned around to look at the Akatsuki with a furious look on his face. "Why didn't you tell me he drove off?!" Pein heard a car crash in the distance. His legs gave in, and he fainted.

Hidan walked over to the Akatsuki. It was obvious that Hidan had life-threatening wounds. He looked at Kakuzu. "Man, Kakuzu, I just had the best fucking ride of my life! Too bad I had to sacrifice a good car though, right Kakuzu?" He looked at Pein. "Why the fuck is he sleeping?!"

Back to the Present

"Earth to Leader-sama?" Tobi looked at Pein through his mask. "He's not here, everybody."

Pein's eyes opened suddenly. He obviously needed someone to be properly trained before they drove his new boat. He looked at Tobi, then passed on to the others. "Who wants to undertake a mission?"

"I need to re-count my money," said Kakuzu, "I think that Krabs cheapskate cheated me, because I wasn't supposed to receive a whale for winning the stockmarket bet." Kakuzu had bet on stocks last week with Mr. Krabs. He looked at Pearl, who he remembered from Hidan's dating disaster. Pearl was not happy to be tied up, and neither was Kakuzu for having received a whale.

"Not I," said Sasori, "I need to work on one of my fish puppets. Mario." When Deidara laughed, he gave Deidara a small smirk.

Deidara thought that this was a perverted smile and jumped up. "I'll go, Leader-sama, un." He backed away from Sasori.

"Pfft. You'll just blow everything up. I know you." Pein looked at Itachi. Nope, it couldn't be Itachi because Itachi was nearly-blind. He looked at Kisame. Nah, Kisame would just tear the instructors to shreds with Samehada. He looked at Zetsu. Oh wait, Zetsu was on his honeymoon... Pein sighed and saw Tobi, who was shaking with joy.

"Tobi is the only one left!" Tobi dropped to his knees. "Oh please, please, please let Tobi go!"

Hidan glared. "It's either me or him! Who do you fucking think has more self-control?"

"Tobi, you're going to boating school. Congratulations." Pein shook hands with Tobi and gave him the directions to the school. Hidan was furious and cussed at the air. Kakuzu dragged Hidan and shoved him into the trash can behind the boat.

"Tobi. Is. So. HAPPY!" Tobi ran towards the boating school. Pein gulped, maybe this wasn't the best idea. He turned to Sasori and Deidara, who were arguing with each other.

"You two. Go make sure he doesn't fail." He glanced at Deidara. "Don't touch anything."

Sasori was angry. "If I must go, why does he come with me?"

"Because if you two are constantly flirting, my eyes would rather not be subjected to it." Pein saw this as an opportunity to let Sasori and Deidara "come out of the closet".

Deidara was appalled. "Nuh-uh, Leader-sama, I am not _with_Sasori no Danna, un. We don't even agree on love." Deidara looked at Sasori with red cheeks. "Love is supposed to be short, not left to linger on Earth. If it lasts forever, we start to lose interest and appreciation for it, un."

Sasori frowned. "Love is supposed to be eternal, like art. True love never fades nor do the partners lose interest or appreciation for it. Apparently your undersized brain cannot comprehend love in addition to art." He smirked.

"Burn!" cackled Hidan. Deidara gave Hidan a dark glare.

Pein sighed, defeated. "Just go." Sasori and Deidara reluctantly started for the boating school, and they bickered the whole way.

* * *

Tobi walked into the boating school. Some fat blow-fish was staring at him.

"Hello, my name is Tobi!" Tobi sat down on the desk. Spongebob, Sasori, and Deidara walked in the door and sat down as well.

"Hey, long time no see, pal!" laughed Spongebob. The blow-fish looked at Tobi, Sasori, and Deidara, then at the class.

"Hello everyone. I can see we have some new students today! Why don't we introduce ourselves?" asked Mrs. Puff. "I'm Mrs. Puff, your boating instructor." She sat down.

Sasori gulped as Deidara and Tobi looked at him expectantly. "My name is Sasori. Your danna."

"Danna? Well I guess if that's what you want to be called then." said Mrs. Puff, confused and unable to comprehend Japanese. Sasori chuckled.

"My name is Tobi, but you already know that! I'm here to learn how to drive a vhroom-vhroom boat!" Tobi stood up from his seat in the corner and plopped down onto the seat next to Deidara, who was sitting next to Sasori. Deidara scowled.

"My name is Deidara, un." Deidara punched Tobi in the face. "Sasori no Danna and I are just here to look after him, un."

Mrs. Puff frowned. "You can only be in this class if you are learning. If you're not, you'll have to leave."

Sasori and Deidara sighed and glanced at each other. "We're here to learn."

"Ok, Tobi come with me. Mrs. Flounder will give you a quick test." She then escorted Tobi out of the classroom so that his skills could be evaluated. In other words, Tobi was given a pop boating test. She came back in a few minutes and started teaching.

_"I see that this brat and I will have to endure the class." _thought Sasori. He looked at Deidara, who was giving him a sketchy look. _"What the hell is he doing?" _He looked at the blowfish, who was starting to talk about intersections and whatever. He turned to look at Deidara again, who was giggling with another student, pointing at him and mouthing the word-

_"Rapist."_

He got up from his seat and violently shoved Deidara off the desk. "Are you trying to piss me off, Deidara? I am going to kick your-"

"Danna!" yelled Mrs. Puff, furious. "There will be no buttkickers in this school! Go sit in the back." Sasori moved to the last row, scowling at Deidara.

"Oh, come on Sasori no Danna, un." whispered Deidara as Sasori passed by him. "It was just funny, that's all."

"Deidara, it won't be so funny for you when you're lying in a hospital bed tomorrow." Sasori frowned.

After class, Sasori (who refused to walk with Deidara), encountered Tobi happily skipping towards him. He sighed, trying to avoid Tobi. But alas, Tobi caught up with him.

"Guess what Sasori-san?" asked Tobi. "I passed the test!!!" He held up a license with his name on it.

Sasori gasped. "What? You got a license? Well, I guess the good thing is that we don't need to come back to this place... But wait," He looked at the license closely, "Who's Madara Uchiha?"

Tobi gulped. "C-Codename Sasori-sempai! Just a codename!" They walked out the doors of the school. "Should we wait for Deidara-sempai?"

"No." Sasori answered. "We would know when he leaves the school."

When they went around the corner of the street, the boating school burst into flames. Sasori couldn't help but chuckle.

"Guess Deidara left, huh Sasori-sempai?" Tobi giggled. Then Tobi stopped. "Wait, wasn't Spongebob in there?"

"All the better." answered Sasori as he walked into a kinky shop. "I'll be back at the base later."

At the Hideout

Pein's eyes were about to pop out of their sockets. "Tobi got a license?!"

Tobi pouted. "Of course, Leader-sama! Tobi is an excellent driver, Tobi told you before!" Tobi went over to the boat and started to drive it. The boat burst into flames.

"My boat!" gasped Pein, not really caring about what happened to Tobi. His vein was throbbing in his head. "Deidara..."

Deidara laughed nervously. "Wow! The boat exploded, un. I didn't expect that!" He started backing away. Pein moved forward to hit him but something blocked him.

"Don't worry, I'll deal with this brat." said Sasori, completely serious. "I've actually wanted to kill him for a while since the incident that happened in class."

Deidara saw the whip in Sasori's hand. "You... You creep, un!" He ran for his life. Pein couldn't help but look at the whip with curiosity. It was pink and covered in feathers.

"Where did you get that whip? Why did-" asked Pein, nearly gagging.

"Some store in town." replied Sasori. He saw that Pein's repulsed facial expression needed more of an explanation. "Well, it is certainly not my color choice, but it was the only one they had left. Well, at least it's a torture weapon?"

Pein began to laugh, and then he gave up. "Ah, yes. Go on and do whatever you were going to do then."

From a distance, Deidara saw Sasori's eyes light up. He ran faster.

* * *

Cyndi: Reviews are highly appreciated. Right Tobi?

Tobi: Deidara sempai, are you a girl?

Deidara: ... Grrr.

Cyndi: Holy- RUN!

Tobi: Did Tobi say something-

Deidara: Katsu!


End file.
